The Adventures of a Homosexual Draco
by IssieB
Summary: A little surprise for the guys of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy has been set on the loose after accepting his sexuality. Humour and romance
1. In the beginning

_The Adventures of a Homosexual Draco_

'Draco Lucius Malfoy! Come downstairs AT ONCE!' His mother's voiced boomed around the house, magically enhanced.

'Yes, Mother?' Draco looked down at her, changing his eyes to form wide, appealing…

'Don't you puppy eyes me! You don't think I know what you did? Well, trust me, _my son_; I know that you know that I know about what you know you did!' Her glare was blinding.

'And, what… did _I_ do Mother dearest, darling of my heart, keeper of my soul, my mother, my protector, my…'

'You do realize how many times you've done that to me now… next you're going to pretend to be truly sorry, aren't you?...'

_Shit._

'…hmm, let, me, think. When you stole Lucius' broom, when you fell down the stairs and ripped up you robes, when you messed up your hair and blamed me for brushing past you, when you…'

'Yes, yes I get the point, Mother. What do you want?'

'WHY were you in MY rooms trying on MY dress-robes! What WERE you DOING! Tell me, TELL ME!'

'I, was, well, um, I was, just…'

'NOW, you blabbering idiot! Did I say in 5 minutes! NO! I said NOW!'

'Mother, you must understand….'

'I am in NO mood for UNDERSTANDING! Explain yourself!'

'I have been meaning to tell you something… Mother, I…'

'Spit it out, boy!'

'FINE! I'm GAY! HOMOSEXUAL! BI! WHATEVER! I. AM. GAY! Do you understand me, DO YOU? Huh? Huh-huh?'

'Finally, Draco dear. Honestly, that took you a long time to figure out.'

……………_..wtf?_

'B-b-but… What? You're not going to disown me, or torture me, or shout at me even?'

'Of course not darling, I have known for a long time. I mean, at the age of 3 you were playing with barbies more than you were with brooms. You learnt how to apply lipstick properly when you were 4. You could pout before you could talk, for Merlin's sake!'

'I could!'

'Yes, no need to flaunt it, _especially _to your father.'

'So, he _doesn't _know? He wouldn't care if you don't care.'

'Oh, I care alright; he never did spend enough time with you. He's on a little assignment for the Big-V. He'll be back in a few days. It would be, better, if you weren't here when I break the news.'

_Both were deep in thought…_

'I suppose I could go back to Hogwarts…' _Oh yes… plenty of cute guys there. Especially that hot Harry Potter… Now is not the time for this! But he has got the best arse, if I say so myself. Apart from mine of course. I wonder what he does to get it like that. Maybe it's all the Quidditch… Not the time! NOT THE TIME!_

'That's a great idea! I was thinking that actually. ENLEY!' A little house-elf scurried into the room. 'Pack Draco's trunk for school.'

'Yes, missus!' The squeaky voice made their ears ache.

'Now, Draco, darling. Tell me about your love-life…'

'WHAT!'

'Draco, you look a bit… different.' Draco scowled at the towel clad Blaise as he entered the dorm. He couldn't help but notice how defined Blaise's muscles had become.

_SHUT UP! Blaise Zabini? I can do better than that! Surely. Like that Harry Potter. Mmmmm, yes. He would be one nice catch._

'Draco… I was just thinking, there's this spell I looked up that makes you look better…'

'Better? Than I am already! Oh Blaise...' _He was laughing silently at his friend's foolishness. '_It's practically impossible! I mean, seen _yourself _in a mirror recently. You mean to say that, I, moi, Draco Malfoy, the best-looking boy in the school, need to get a makeover? Please, don't embarrass yourself more.' Draco then turned back to the mirror and gave himself a once over. It was true that he looked a bit… different, but that was all for Pott… Harry. Harry was always a bit unkempt, a bit rugged. So Draco started going for the same look… It wasn't going very well.

'Draco, I know you that you're trying a different look, I saw it in the Warlock's Men's Fashion Magazine. Rugged is the new cool for the summer, I know that, but it just _really _doesn't suit you.'

'AND why-ever not! Hmmm? I'm wai-ting. Nothing good to say? Then don't say anything at all!' _Just stand there looking gorgeous for a while so I can gawp._

'I'm just going to… go now. He..he… Bye!'

_Blaise Zabini left in what some would call a hurry, in what some would call a sprint._


	2. Getting to the Point

'I-like-big-butts and I can-not lie, you other-brothers can't de-ny, when a boy walks-in with a itty-bitty waist and-a round thing in-your face you get, sprung! Wanna pull-up… ARRGHHH!'

Draco Malfoy looked up from the floor, highly aware that he was a. naked, b. wet, c. covered in soap and d. being stared at by half the boys in 6th year Slytherin.

'Sorry 'bout that Drake. We Slytherin boys wanted to talk to you.'

'But… but now! It's a _bit_ inconvenient, if you hadn't noticed.' Draco stuttered.

_Oh crap, they know I'm gay, they know it. They're all going to hate me. My reputation is RUINED!_

'I think I know what you want to know. I'm... _They already know just say it! Just do it! GO!_

'I'm g-…'

_What the hell is wrong with my tongue? It's all… swelled up. Just open your mouth and SAY IT._

…

The Slytherins were cautiously retreating when they saw Draco gulping the air, occasionally muttering incomprehensibly, fighting his inner… self, looking utterly constipated. Feeling the need to break the awkward silence, Blaise said…

'Look, Draco. We only decided to talk to you now because we know you'll remember it. OK Blaise took a deep breath, weneedyoutostopsingingintheshower.'

'Stop.. stop _singing_ in the shower? But you've already banned me from singing in the common room, the dorm room, the corridors, the toilets, the classrooms… and _now_, the-- the shower? It's so unfair!'

_It's so unfair! I'm not THAT bad at singing. It's not helping my depression, but then again the fact that Har—Potter is still ignoring me isn't helping either…_

Ginny Weasley, being the matchmaker, of course, decided it was about time to get Harry a boyfriend.

'Harry.'

Suspiciously, Harry turned around, glad that it wasn't Parvati trying to molest him. 'Thank god it's you, Gin!'

_Ginny: right... that was weird. _'I've been thinking, you haven't had a boyfriend for a while, have you?'

'What the hell are you talking about? cough Of course I've had boyfriends! cough Loads of them… cough'

'Harry, try kidding yourself. Anyway, there are a few people you might be interested in. Seamus, for one thinks you're cute. Fred and George are at an experimental stage at the moment.. might not want to risk that,'

'WHAT! Fred and George? They're your _brothers_! You're setting me up with your brothers? That's sick, Gin, really sick. But which one's interested by the way?... Ginny looked at him skeptically I mean! Just for future reference, you know…'

'Have you ever seen Fred and George not together? Harry slowly shook his head What made you think you'd get them one at a time?' Ginny hurried on as she saw Harry's face turn an interesting mixture of colours. 'Colin Creevy, although he'd probably make a porn video, Draco Malfoy, he's OK, Smith althou'

'Draco Malfoy _likes _me? In _that _way?' Ginny watched in amusement as Harry's face lit up with the thoughts of new possibilities.

Ginny Weasley had a new plan in action.

Mutterings could be heard as Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy plotted out the next relationship of Harry Potter's. As they came to some sort of an agreement, they left purposely; they had something important to do…

Harry strolled down the corridor to get in some Quidditch practice to release some of that… sexual tension. Incidentally, Ginny Weasley was walking along the very same corridor.

'Harry! What a surprise to be seeing _you_ here.' As if a cue, Ginny tipped her head to the side and one Draco Malfoy sauntered onto the stage cough corridor, apparently from nowhere.

'Harry! Just the person I wanted to run into. Not that I was waiting here for you of course!' Ginny rolled her eyes at his terrible acting skills. 'Harry, I need to tell you something.'

Harry looked around suspiciously again, hoping Ron would jump in to save him, or Hermione. 'Malfoy, what do you want?'

Draco looked lustfully at Harry in his old Quidditch uniform, which he had grown-out of and were quite tight. While looking straight into his eyes purposely he said: 'Harry, I _want _you… I _need_ you…'

Ginny Weasley rolled her eyes and the words lingered in the air for a few, meaningful seconds. '… to- to, ummm, help him brush up his Quidditch skills!' She watched Draco Malfoy look intensely into Harry's eyes, and, as Ginny's words sank in, step back, insulted.

'What are you talking about Weaslette? Me, needing help in Quidditch? I think Har disguised as a small cough-Potter needs more help from me!' Draco took a deep breath to continue his ranting.

'Yes, Harry, why don't you let Draco coach you in Quidditch, where you can be _alone_ for a while, to get to _know_ each other.'

Ginny breathed a sigh of relief when both boys seemed to get her hint. She watched in satisfaction as they strolled and sauntered down to the deserted Quidditch pitch to _get to know each other_. Surely enough, when she next saw them at dinner they were looking distinctly ruffled and more than a little more intimate than normal. Rubbing her hands together gleefully she anticipated her own little meeting with one Blaise Zabini.


End file.
